Individual Sovereignty

Random Thoughts on Original Sin and Creationism

           I’m sure everyone has a basic idea of what Original Sin is, but if you don’t, here’s a quick overview: Way back at the beginning of the world, life, and everything Adam (the first man) was young, dumb, and full of cum. He didn’t have any friends other than the animals and God, so God knocked him out, took out one of his ribs, and made a woman….pretty much to be his “helper”. Take that as you will; I choose to think God meant “sex-slave” or “maid”, but I’m not a theologian or expert in Hebrew. So things are pretty good for a while: lots of lounging, no work, plenty of completely risk-free sex. But there wouldn’t be a story if everything was always awesome so strap in; here comes the weird part. Enter: the Talking Snake. Not only is he a talking snake, he also has legs, and he’s a complete dick (figuratively speaking).

            Earlier in the story God had told Adam and Eve (the woman) not to eat the fruit of this tree…this tree that he had planted…in the middle of the garden…that they were living in…or they would die. Anyway, here comes the walking and talking snake creeping up on Eve talking her into to eating the fruit. Long story short: Eve eats it, Adam eats, God. Is. Pissed. God curses the snake (“NO LEGS!), curses Eve (“YOUR CHILDREN SHALL DEMOLISH YOUR VAGINA!), and curses Adam (START FARMING, BITCH!). He throws everyone out of the garden and puts an angel with a flaming sword at the gates so no one can ever get back in. And if, like the Christians, you think this story actually happened, he then either demolished or hid the garden because no one has seen it since. This fruit eating disobedience is what Christians call Original Sin. According to them it is how sin entered the world and why it’s in such a shitty shape today. Bit of an extreme punishment on God’s end if you ask me, but I digress.

            From the brief overview I gave, you may think that I made the story sound more ridiculous than it actually is. I did not. You should check it out for yourself. Pick up any Bible and turn to the first chapter of Genesis. Read the story of Adam and Eve and my version (minus the vulgarity) is pretty spot on. I did not over-exaggerate. It’s obvious that the story is a myth, but in the modern culture wars there are Christian sects who claim that the events of the story actually happened.

            Why would any sane individual think that this story was factual? Well, dogma. They believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God and that without this absolute standard all morality, goodness, and truth would cease to exist. According to Christian scripture and dogma, sin entered the world through Adam. Without Original Sin there was no need for the sacrifice of Christ (the New Adam). If Christ’s sacrifice meant nothing or was only symbolic, then why be Christian? And I think this is the crux of the matter. If the story of creation in Genesis is only a myth, then the story of the Fall is only a myth. And if that story is a myth, the whole basis of Christian dogma unravels. Everything depends on the inherently fallen nature of humanity because if it were possible to live up to God’s standard, there would be no reason for Christ. The only way to ensure that humanity was metaphysically incapable of being good is to make sure that evil is part of human nature, inherited from its ancestors. So the absolute truth of Genesis is essential and this includes the account of creation, giving birth to the creationist movement.

            Most people who value reason, evidence, and knowledge can’t bring themselves to understand the creationists, and this is precisely why: They’re primary objective is to protect and prove Christian dogma, not to promote science. It’s also why it shouldn’t be considered a valid scientific theory deserving of “equal time” in the classroom; it is merely theology. Of course, they think the same of evolution and the modern understanding of cosmology, but unfortunately for them our shit is backed up with evidence and reason while their view is backed up by…Bronze Age myths.

            Any time you bring this up around a moderately educated Christian you’ll usually get the stock, “oh, I’m a Christian, but I still believe in evolution and stuff”. And that’s great, it shows they have the capacity to think, but it also shows that they’re not consistent. They choose to believe only the socially acceptable parts of Christianity, but by rejecting the creation account they’ve isolated themselves from the foundation of their belief system. Liberal Christianity is an absurd exercise in bad theology and philosophy.

            I’m not really sure where I was going with all this and don’t know how to end it so….here’s an accurate rendition of Adam and Eve: